Two friends – Bombaywallah and Mumbaikar – discuss the monsoon and the day when the sky fell down in Maximum City.

Bombaywallah: It has been raining so heavily, it seems as if the sky is falling down on Bombay. And the roads! Now there are only potholes in Bombay, no roads.

Mumbaikar: Actually, I’m not really worried about the potholes on the Mumbai roads; I’m worried about the potholes on the Mumbai flyovers.

Bombaywallah: Why?

Mumbaikar: Imagine this: the potholes on the flyovers become a little bigger, your car hits one and lo! there is no pothole anymore, only a fifty feet high hole in the flyover!

Bombaywallah: That’s really scary! My resolution for the month: I’ll not take any flyovers anymore!

Mumbaikar: And now imagine this: the potholes on the flyovers become a little bigger, my car hits one when your car is under the flyover and lo! there is no pothole anymore, only a fifty feet high hole in the flyover!

Mumbaikar was later seen rushing Bombaywallah to the emergency ward. Anxiety attack, I overheard.

Inspired by Overheard in New York and my Mumbai-Pune road trip two weeks back, this is where the ‘Bombaywallah & Mumbaikar Discuss‘ series started from. Incidentally, it seems that Mumbaikar hasn’t heard of the Hollow Earth Theory.

Read the other entries in the series here: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5).

Yesterday night the Saas Bahus were out of action in Mumbai, and the typical mumbai housewives were deperate without their daily dose of dear Tulsi and the Virani Parivaar.
The operators pulled the plug on Mumbai’s favourite entertainment after a series of police raids by the Social Service branch on cable operators under the Hathway and InCable umbrella and in which they sealed the decoders of nine television channels including that of HBO, AXN, Star Movies, Star One, Sahara Filmy, Sahara One, Star World.. The raids were conducted because cops said cable operators were showing adult films on TV.
In protest cable operators shut shop, saying they could do little as it was the channels that showed adult content and that they were merely the messengers.
The drama began with morality super-cop Pratibha Naithani filing a petition in the high court against obscenity on television. So most of Mumbaikars were left with the FM radio station for thier share of entertainment. Just becasue one person feels differently about certain programmes aired … and if that is the case then there is also a Power button on the TV set which Pratibha Naithani have overlooked… So the question is “Do mumbaikars need to be patrolled for their entertainment?”

Two friends – Bombaywallah & Mumbaikar – discuss a new restaurant in Navi Mumbai named after Adolf Hitler.

Bombaywallah: Have you seen Hitler’s Cross yet?

Mumbaikar: I saw it in Crossword sometime back, but didn’t pick it up. I have read Rise and Fall of the Third Reich and I have had enough of Hitler. But I must say that I’m intrigued by this sudden twist in your reading tastes.

Bombaywallah: It’s about bad taste all right, but not my reading tastes. It’s a new restaurant in Navi Mumbai, named after Hitler because the promoters wanted to be different and thought that

this is one name that will stay in people’s minds. (link)

And not only have they named the restaurant after Hitler, they have also put billboards, balloons, lamppost kiosks and bus panels in Navi Mumbai to promote the restaurant.

Mumbaikar: But, with a name like that, nobody must be eating at the restaurant?

Bombaywallah: Actually, it seems that people don’t know much about Hitler these days. Actor Murli Sharma, who was a guest at the inauguration on Friday night said:

I found the huge posters of Hitler at the restaurant amusing. I am not really agitated as I have not read much about (Hitler). (link)

Mumbaikar: He must have failed his class tenth exam and become an actor!

Bombaywallah: What’s interesting is that even the mayor and former mayor of Navi Mumbai were present at the inauguration. Also, a lot of people are trying out the restaurant to see what the fuss is all about.

Mumbaikar: So, it seems to be working for them.

Bombaywallah: Yes, and that’s not all. The promoters are planning to turn the eatery’s name into a brand with more branches in Mumbai.

Mumbaikar: I wonder what’s next! The Genocide Grocery Store? Idi Amin’s Dosa Shack? Kadafi’s Kati Roll? Mao Tse Tung’s Tea Shop? (link) Stalin Samosa Shop? Mahmud Ghazni’s Mouthwatering Masala Dosas? Jihad Jalebi Junction? Kill-the-Kafir Kulfi Corner? (link)

Bombaywallah: Incidentally, my friend Patrix tells me that there’s a 1939 Hitler Bar in Korea!

I know that Akshay has already written about this, but couldn’t help overhearing Bombaywallah & Mumbaikar, who are now on their way to Navi Mumbai to check out the restaurant.

Read the other entries in the series here: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5).

Yes, the Miracles happened in the last few days were really done by Gods!

Because, when you go out of your senses, nothing will stop you. Even God’s can’t.

So, the Gods have made a plot. When you drink these gloomy water turned ‘Ambrosia’, naturally you will be taken to the hospitals and at least for that sake, you will remember the Gods.

(Otherwise, I must say, this must be a brutal plan to clean up all the creeks in Mumbai!!!)

Bambaiyya is a blog that aims to create something like the Urban Dictionary, but only for slang that Bombaywallahs/ Mumbaikars use. The Great Ganesha, who has started the blog, says that:

Timepass comments will not get posted – only chakkas ones will. Feel free to give me some gaalis, but, please, no gaandmasti!

It’s a new blog and contributions are few and far between, but it’s an interesting idea and worth pursuing. So, head over to Bambaiyya and leave a comment, jhak se!

Two friends – Bombaywallah and Mumbaikar – discuss whether Maximum City is indeed the second least expensive city in the world.

Bombaywallah: Do you know that Bombay is the second cheapest city in the world?

Mumbaikar: Come on, it’s two in the afternoon on a Tuesday! Don’t tell me that you have already opened a bottle of wine today! Such loose talk, so early in the day!

Bombaywallah: No, no, it was all over the news a few days back. It’s a report by the Swiss investment bankers UBS. UBS has been making this report every three years since 1976 and Bombay was, in fact, the cheapest city in the world in the 2003 report.

Mumbaikar: So, Mumbai has become less cheap in the last three years?

Bombaywallah: Yes. In fact, in 2003 if the reference basket of goods and services cost $100 in New York, it cost $27.5 and $23.5 in Bombay with and without rent. In 2006, it costs $38.5 and $41.5 against $100 in New York.

Mumbaikar: So, the rent in Mumbai has increased faster than the rent in New York! I always knew that!

Bombaywallah: Not only the rent, all costs in Bombay have increased faster than in New York. Costs in Bombay, relative to New York, have increased by 40% without rent and 76% with rent.

Mumbaikar: So, not only are we poorer, we are also paying more than ever before!

Bombaywallah: Not really, because although costs have increased, wages have increased faster. In 2003, the gross and net hourly wages in Bombay were $3.7 and $4.6 against $100 in New York; in 2006, they have doubled to $7.0 and $8.7 against $100 in New York. As a result, the purchasing power in Bombay has increased from 19.9% of the purchasing power in New York in 2003 to 26.5% in 2006.

Mumbaikar: That’s probably because we are working harder than ever before!

Bombaywallah: Not really. In 2003, people in Bombay worked 2347 hours in a year, almost 27% more than 1843 hours in New York. In 2006, we work only 2205 hours, while people in New York work 1869 hours, and the gap has reduced to only 18%.

Mumbaikar: So, Mumbai is becoming more like New York!

Bombaywallah: Well, yes and no, and here’s why. In 2003 it required 112 minutes of work in Bombay to buy a Big Mac, against 12 minutes in New York. In 2006, it required only 70 minutes of work in Bombay to buy a Big Mac, against 13 minutes in New York.

Mumbaikar: So, while Mumbai is becoming more like New York, it still isn’t New York yet, not if you want to eat at McDonalds!

Overheard in a really long ordering queue at the McDonalds outlet at the High Street Phoenix Mall.

Read the other entries in the series here: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5).

The Ganesh Festival season is upon us and I begin my Mumbai Metroblogging with a Ganesh event.

Ganesh is known by many names – Vakratunda, Ekdanta, Lambodar. In fact, Ganpatistotra covers 12 most commonly known names of Ganesh.

Ganesh festival started way back when India was ruled by the British. It was started by Lokmanya Bal Gangadhar Tilak as means to unite people against foreign occupation by instilling in them a sense of purpose. That tradition continues till date in different forms and different hues. Pune is quite famous for its Ganesh festival mania but Mumbai, too, is spectacular though on a much subdued level – some of which will be brought to you by your friendly neighbourhood metroblogger.
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Recently some fool decided to open a restaurant in New Bombay but that’s just the good part – he then decides to call it “Hitler’s Cross” and jazz up the place with Nazi styled swastikas posters of the man. The restaurant obviously and rightly so infuriated Mumbai’s small jewish community – the media obviously gobbled to the point recently Rueters picked it up and we have it floating around the intenet.

TOI, Rueters & Sepia Mutiny have more imfomation.

“We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different.” owner Punit Shablok said.

What is he trying to say ? – Hitler’s Cross – the only restaurant in Mumbai to take over half of Europe, wage war with the US, and kill 6 million Jews.

“This place is not about wars or crimes, but where people come to relax and enjoy a meal”

Food, volksgemeinschaft and fun eh ?

It is a green and crème single domed mausoleum to this Suffi saint that surrounds itself with a chaotic mix of devotees, beggars, people, the arbit taxi and a line of shops selling the most peculiar coterie of colourful chaddars [shawls], incense and flowers. The chaddars [shawls] are placed on the tomb to pay respect to the saint and gain his blessing. This dargah like its more famous city counter-part, Haji Ali is steeped in urban legend. For Makhdoom Ali Mahimi is the respected patron sufi saint of the Mumbai Police. Now with the entire Mumbai “Sweet” Seawater Incident the shrine seem to steap itself in more legend.

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Two friends – Bombaywallah and Mumbaikar – discuss the sudden spate of miracles in Maximum City.

Mumbaikar: Our neighborhood is in news once more and not because of Shiv Sena, for once! Thousands of people have visited Dadar and Mahim beaches on Friday night and Saturday to drink sea water that has turned sweet!

Bombaywallah: Yeah, I heard. I was driving back to Worli from Bandra on Friday night, and saw hundreds of people on the street at four in the morning! For a moment, I thought that it was Id!

Mumbaikar: They must be visiting the the Durgah of Makdoom Ali Mahimi, at Mahim beach. They say that the sweet water is due to the blessings of the 13th century Sufi saint and can cure illnesses.

Bombaywallah: Blessings, indeed! There’s more water in Mithi river in the monsoons, so more fresh water flows into the creek, diluting the sea water during low tide and making it less saline. Elementary, my friend!

Mumbaikar: Actually, such dilution happens all along the Western coast during the southwest monsoon. In fact, people have also reported sweet tasting sea water at Teethal beach in Valsad district of south Gujarat.

Bombaywallah: It must be that or the pollution! I’m told that coastal sea water in Mumbai is lethally toxic; must be, with all that sewage floating around!

Mumbaikar: Yes, health officials in Mumbai have put the city on a high alert for water-borne diseases, after thousands of people drank the water, filled it in their bottles for family and friends, and even bathed in it!

Bombaywallah: And, have you heard the latest? Thousands of people on Sunday night thronged temples across the country to watch deities of Goddess Durga and God Shiva ‘drink’ the milk offered by devotees. In 1995, it was Ganesha, wasn’t it? Since they couldn’t come out with a new miracle, they decided to change the deities instead!

Mumbaikar: It’s quite a tamasha, really! Almost like a “who’s miracle is bigger contest”! If your God can turn seawater sweet, our God can drink milk!

Bombaywallah: Next, we will have Jesus statues walking on water!

Overheard outside the Mahim police station.

Read the other entries in the series here: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5).