i am the BEST

Isn’t his tee-shirt absolutely fab? It’s Bambaiyya in a way that nothing else starts to match.For the uninitiated, BEST, an acronym for Brihanmumbai Electric Supply and Transport, runs the Mumbai bus system. Every bus carries the BEST logo in Hindi, in white inside an oval white patch, painted on the side of the bright red bus. It’s one of Mumbai’s most recognizable logos.

The BEST man's tee-shirt

The good news is that Neil is himself a designer and retails his creations from his website. Do drop into his place if you’d like to carry forward his style. Or as I’d like to call it, Neil’s I Style!

Update: The full form of BEST has been corrected (thank you, Peter!). Much apologies for the error; I can only blame it on the 4a.m. posting.

The sealink has been a long time in the making, having faced some setbacks and delays as well. It has been a part of the grand plan for Mumbai for so long that it has almost made a mark in local lingo by now (Yeah, I’ll get a promotion by the time that damn sealink gets made, maybe then I’ll be able to afford a car too!).

Most Mumbaikers have seen its grow, inch by agonizing inch on the horizon, from each direction. Just last year, I looked out at the impressive seaview from the window of a friend whose Mahim flat faces the then under-construction sealink and said,

Whatever is taking them that long??!! There’s just another inch to go!

After much fanfare, the sealink was inaugurated by Sonia Gandhi last morning and thrown open to the general public at 7 a.m. There will be a Rs.50 toll to traverse the sealink but that becomes functional only as of next Monday. So for the next few days, you can expect most Mumbaikers to derive full paisa vasool rides, riding Mumbai’s first ever sealink.

Quite fortunately (for me) I had an appointment in town that same morning. Fortunate I say because I (like many suburbanites) detest the painful commute into town, even less by road. What a stroke of luck to have a reason to go into town on the very day the sealink was inaugurated!

So I nagged dad into turning off into Bandra reclamation, shushing his incessant doomsday prophesies that the sealink would only add to commute time and what was so great about that damn bridge anyway, it’s taken long enough to come up and blocked Mumbai’s strained resources as it is.

In a few minutes, I was ready to jump out of the car and dive for cover as we ran smack-dab into the middle of the kind of traffic that makes road-rage seem like a pardonable offense, not punishable by law. I think every Western suburbanite must have been on that road to Worli today, whether or not they wanted to go to town!!!

I actually saw a few cars take U-turns and head back out, presumably to get to their destinations, the old-fashioned Mumbai way.

But as we inched forward and the high beams of the sealink came into view, my spirits surged and even my father ceased his complaining and grudgingly took out his own phone to take a picture.

We passed an impressive-looking toll-naka. Oh okay, I know there’s nothing impressive about a toll-naka, I’ve seen the one at Mankhurd and what about that huge one leading out to Mumbai-Pune expressway that I passed, not three days ago?

It still was a momentous occasion, for we were on the brink of breaking new ground. As we passed, I’m rather afraid to say that the insofar well-laned traffic just sort of melded into itself and became one sea of cars going helter-skelter. The road curves a bit before it touches the sealink and the lanes just sort of get lost in each other. The authorities are just going to have to do something about that if they don’t want to face choke-ups every morning just before the Bandra end of the sealink.

Very near the sea, I saw a flock of crows flying around frantically and wondered aloud,

Why are there so many birds around? What are they so agitated about?

Dad said that perhaps there was an colony of nests in that place which had so far been pretty secluded and undisturbed. Displacement was a sobering thought to start the trip on, but well needs must.

Once we actually got closer and closer to the sealink, I could feel the anticipation electric in the air. Cars slowing down, audible gasps, people zooming their camera lenses and phones, excitement was rife.

I can’t even begin to describe what the journey was like. I am sure, in a short few days I’ll become as accustomed to it as the regular train and road commute. But today, this first trip was special. It was the realization of the great Mumbai dream. We were riding over water. All my hitherto unvoiced fears that the bridge would give way were blown away in the cool breeze. The bridge is rock-solid (not at all like Lakshman Jhula, ma, you can stop worrying, it won’t sway in the wind) and it would otherwise feel just like riding on a concrete road, except there’s the sea on both sides.

What an odd feeling to turn to one’s left and see Mumbai, the city, the familiar buildings and roads on the horizon but on the wrong side and from so far away!

I saw a media van pass in the opposite direction on the clear Worli-to-Bandra lane, with a journalist standing out of one of the windows holding a mike, and a cameraman standing out of the opposite side shooting her. It was a funny sight and I’m only sorry I didn’t have a chance to shoot it.

The image below shows the proud and cheering workers who were lined up to watch the first few travellers on the sealink. What a moment of glory it would have been for them!

The couple in the Qualis next to mine were carrying balloons and traversed the entire length of the sealink with their balloons held aloft and flying out of the windows. Viva, the spirit of Mumbai!

We touched terra firma again at the Worli seaface end. I’m rather afraid this means the end of those long, wonderful soujourns ending in masala milk and sandwich. With the incoming and outbound traffic to the sealink, the seaface is bound to become thoroughfare and lose the charm it has.

We’re losing a few lovely spots and the traffic problem may not really be solved. But the experience of riding over the sea is something every Mumbaiker should have. This link has been far too long in coming. In the larger picture, perhaps easier access will level out some of the differences of Mumbai’s very own caste system?

I can’t tell just yet. My head is still spinning with the adrenalin rush of yesterday morning. I really feel like I’ve been part of a grand day in Mumbai’s history, almost like the fall of the Berlin wall. It is a big thing for this city and as a Mumbaiker, I feel really proud.

Granted the lace-ups on the jeans are probably a little 80s hungover but those shoes in my mind, make up for it. Nothing says “CATTITUDE!” like animal prints, especially since not too many people carry these off well. This lady certainly did.

Leopard print block heels (printed even on the heels) peeking from under an otherwise demure outfit of white shirt and jeans….are definitely high on I Style!

The routes are

The estimated cost of the project, proposed on four separate routes is Rs 1800 crore. The first route covering 25 km is Malabar Hill- Gopalrao Deshmukh Marg-Haji Ali-Keshavrao Khade Marg-Jacob Circle-Sane Guruji Marg- S S Rao Marg-Dattaram Lad Marg-GD Ambedkar Marg-Wadala Marg-Wadala Truck Terminus-Antop Hill-Sion Hospital-Dharavi- Bandra Kurla Complex.

The second route is of 10 km is Chembur-Mahul-Gidwani Marg-Gowandi-Chembur. The Lokhandwala Complex-Oshiwara- Jogeshwari-Vikhroli Link Road-Kanjur Marg (10 km) is the third route and Thane-Kalyan-Bhiwandi is fourth route (25 km).

“Monorail is very ideal for Mumbai’s congested areas as it will run on elevated tracks and the space consumed is just 8 to 10 km,” a senior transport planner from MMRDA, K Vijaya Lakshmi said. [link]

The capacity of the Monorail is more than 500 with four coaches attached and more than 700 with six coaches attached to it, she said.

A lot of planning and design needs to be done so that the monorail do not create localised problems. Points of entry, exit, commercial activities leading to them, etc will be the problem areas affecting the users once the monorail is launched.

Hopefully we will see stellar results.

What are your opinions on the routes though? Hopefully the routes will intersect with the train lines on W. Rly and C. Rly. Only then will it become a comprehensive mass transit network. Otherwise it will be more of the same chaos.

And speaking of dabbas, how about the other dabbas? The ones carrying piping hot nourishment, lovingly made by mothers and wives and cooks across the city and delivered Just In Time for lunch to their hungry patrons? To the uninitiated, the dabbawallas are a network of deliverymen who carry lunchboxes from homes to offices and back using a never-fail above-world-class system of colour coding. An Ivy League US b-school used them as a case study and the concept has picked up much visibility since then.

I was at the station at a later hour than my usual and had a chance to catch one little thread in this vast nervous system that feeds the city. Truly, the dabbawallas do Mumbai proud. It makes one choke up just seeing the neatly lined up lunch boxes.

The train pulled in and I got into the compartment. And there I met yet another Mumbai railway relic – the train sellers of trinkets. Of course their wares vary from hour to hour. So the early morning hears a nasal twang hawking railway timetables and ginger sweets (Adrak ki goli, rupaye ka teeeeeeen…). Move into rush hour and a topi-clad teenager waves a newspaper in your face (Mid-Day…Mid-Day..Midddd-Dayyyyy..). Stagger out of rush hour and we’re into trinket territory.

Presumably there’s more space to display these wares in the late morning/early afternoon hours when the commuters are dispersed across seats instead of crammed into them. The target audience a.k.a. college kids also make their journey upto campuses around this hour.

Fifteen rupees buys you a spider-clamp clip or a pair of fake pearl-drop chandeliers. Put in twenty more and you can have your pick of a retro headband (Cosmo-inspired) or a matching bracelet. Haggle a bit and you just might get a free scrunchie thrown in for good measure. Or a super-long string of beads that can be used as an anklet, doubled or tripled into a neckpiece, wrapped around a bag-strap, woven into a hairdo, wrapped around the waist or just slung over the neck.

And finally, let’s never forget that we’re home to the biggest entertainment industry in the world and talent is found in unexpected places. I see this girl often on the trains, always accompanied by a little boy with a harmonium. She hops on to the train with the same off-to-work expression that is mirrored by the other commuters in the compartment. They wait till the train picks up speed and everyone is settled in, bags put away in the upper rack, seating negotiated. Then he starts picking the chords and the girl starts, wherever she is standing – usually right in the center aisle. Her compact size and nimble feet make it possible for her to prance in the little spaces between commuters as well, deftly avoiding people’s feet. Then they stop mid-song to scope out the crowd and if it doesn’t look very interested or moneyed they move on to another dabba.

Maybe in a few years she’ll make it to Jhalak Dikhla Ja or perhaps he’ll be the next Indian Idol. Or maybe they’ll just be street kids on a Mumbai train.

We ended up at Vasai Road. Yes, it has a station of its own on the Western line. What’s more, with the number of overhead bridges with twists and turns and forks, I thought we might have landed up in some future version of Mumbai without the crowds.

With all the snobbery of a middle-class suburbanite I always thought Vasai Road was a part of the ‘outskirts of Mumbai area’, this idea being accompanied by a vague image of dirt roads, cows and fields. Here’s what I found:

While the more fashionable addresses in Mumbai showcase their matchbox flats with parking for..oh, bicycles…we were taken around mini-townships with gardens, schools, walkways and even bungalows and penthouses. The roads were not all in great condition but well, can any part of Mumbai boast of these? At least there were trees! And broad roads!

As the city is progressively gobbled up by commercial buildings, living spaces seem to be moving furthur north to keep up with affordability. Obviously these will probably go the same way as Powai and Malad, getting congested and over-infested with the mall-culture. But for the time being Vasai Road proves to be a lovely haven of refuge from a maddening city.

On the other hand, the commute just might kill you if you work furthur south (which you most probably do considering I haven’t heard of too many offices in the Vasai area). The train ride was sheer madness, even by my hardened train-traveller standards. We had a good 25-minute wait for the train taking us back into terra firma. And by the time the train pulled up, the crowd was 20-deep to the door. It was another half an hour before we wriggled out, swearing off the adventure and taking an auto-rickshaw instead. The Mumbai autos with meters, I mean. My dread of the train was matched only by my first shock at having to travel in a Vasai Road auto-rickshaw without a meter! That’s a crime by Mumbai standards but ah, well we aren’t in Mumbai anymore are we? Not with those lovely roads and open skies, we aren’t!

I visited some friends at their fashionable south Mumbai address recently. Besides braving traffic snarls, congestions and pollution, we spent a good bit driving around looking for parking space. And then finally we had to get down and walk, party finery et al on a broken dog-path (not cow-path because there wasn’t room for any creature bigger than the solitary stray dog I almost fell over). When we finally got there, the house turned out to be a miniscule cubbyhole that seemed even tinier with the guests. And we had a great view of the peeling paint and cracked walls of the building opposite. Of note, the only reason my friends could afford to live in this ‘premium space’ was that their family had owned the flat for generations. Almost grotesque it is then that we continue to place a hellish value on…well, hell.

I guess if you don’t have to travel around too much, if you are a recluse who likes trees and open skies and broad roads, Vasai Road could be the place for you. The city’s madness is only about an hour away….by unmetered auto-rickshaws and crowded trains!

Or if you just need to get away from the madness every once in awhile and find some greenery and open skies, leave the metered madness of Mumbai behind and take a ride north-ward. My friends have invested there and it is to be hoped that their investment will pay off duly early enough for me to have my weekend getaway..before the rest of city discovers it and converges on it.

And finally, this may not be Oz after all, considering that it has an entry on Wikipedia! .

I’m relying on the fact that most of us in this city, live on little oases or islands of our own madness and know very little about the rest of the place. And for outsiders, the beehive is positively mind-boggling anyway. So here’s a special edition of how-to-survive Mumbai by a thoroughbred Mumbaiker.

I always think of the railway network as the central nervous system of this city. It is fairly impossible to get lost in this city. The minute you find yourself out of sorts, you just make your way to the nearest railway station and voila! You’re back on the Mumbai lifeline.

There are three train lines in Mumbai – the Western line, the Central line and the Harbour line. The Western line starts at Churchgate while the other two, both begin in Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus (Oh how I hate that name! It’ll always be V.T. to me). Central and Harbour run together for about 3 stations and then diverge. Central meets Western at Dadar. Harbour on the other hand, rather tricky, forms a ‘Y’, forking off at Wadala, with one arm ending at Andheri and the other moving on towards Panvel.

Since the city is essentially one long strip of islands going North-South, the train lines run that way. Every station has an East and a West side (barring the terminuses of course). Everything in this city is measured by this. Simple logic check: The sea is always on your right when traveling up to town.

Some of the stations on the three lines are designated ‘Fast’ due to their status as key points in the city. Slow trains stop at every station while fast trains stop only at ‘fast’ stations. The exceptions to the fast train rule (that I know of) are the Western line which stops at every station between Churchgate and Mumbai Central before picking up the ‘fast’ pace. If it is a Borivili local it also slows down, stopping at every station after Andheri on.

Each station has a designated 1 or 2 letter code. Careful with these though, ideally these should be standard considering that all 3 train lines are plugged into each other…but they are not.

A step-by-step how-to on making a local train journey in Mumbai:

a. Finding the stations: Figure out the best entry and exit stations. (This may be useful). These are not immediately obvious and I would not recommend relying on the postal address to tell you the best station. Sometimes the nearest station isn’t the one mentioned on the code or you may be closest to really maddening station and the next ’slow’ one may be a far easier alternative. Ditto on the exit station too. If you are meeting someone at the other end, ask where you should get off. And if your friend doesn’t know either, ask someone who does know. Forget all you’ve heard about this city’s cold-heartendness, people are always willing to help. At worst case, ask the clerk who sells tickets at the counter or the shopkeepers at the station.

b. Buy a ticket: Most stations have a counter on the East and the West side each. A few have them on the overbridge (in addition or in isolation). By default there will be one at the entrance and if you don’t see it, ask someone. It is a fineable offence to travel without a ticket and the T.C. is not likely to be impressed by the story that you were looking for the counter. Please keep your ticket on you for the entire duration of the ride and do not discard until you are safely out of the station. (This may seem obvious but from friends who’ve gotten into trouble for throwing away the ticket after buying it, I know it isn’t) The rules are simple, you should know them and if you don’t, then ask. Of note, probably the one place you can get change is at the train ticket counters. I could be wrong but I’ve haggled with auto-rickshaw drivers, bus conductors and shopkeepers over the elusive 1 or 2 rupee coins but never with an attendant in the train booking counter.

c. Find the train you need to take: The major stations have indicators at the entrance showing the terminus points and departure time of trains leaving from each platform. The smaller stations will usually have them on the overbridges, one each positioned near the staircase going down to the relevant platform. If these two don’t exist, check the one on the platform though this can be a tedious job if you are on a multi-platform station and end up having to run up and down staircases.

d. The compartment: Once you figure out the platform, find out the compartment you have to get into. Mumbai trains have a first-class and a second-class. Most of the compartments are ‘general’ which means both men and women can travel in them but 2 (or 3 depending on which line you’re on) compartments on each train are for ‘ladies’ only. Of these one compartment turns into a ‘general’ after 21:00. Confused? Don’t be. The compartments are marked with red stripes for first-class general and green stripes for first-class ladies. Seasoned travelers know the exact spot on the platform that their compartment will stop at so you can assess from the crowd milling around where you should be. If all else fails, ask. This city may be busy but there will always be people willing to help you.

e. Getting in: This is the biggie, isn’t it? The crowds are intimidating for any new traveler (and hell, some of the old ones too!) Local travelers usually have their little tips and tricks on how to but for the bulk of it, it is simply about gearing up and getting ready to fight for that brief few seconds. Please make sure to stand at least 2 feet away from the edge of the platform….even if you see other people standing closer. Falling incidents, getting run over are common enough. Besides, when the train arrives, you’ll see people hanging on 3-deep and a lot of them have the nasty habit of reaching out and slapping the bystanders. Don’t ask me why, that’s how it is and you just learn to find a way around it.

You are also advised to tie off/put away any loose ends. Flying dupattas, saree palluvs, scarves, stoles and bag straps can becomes nooses when you are caught in the crunch. Preferably keep both hands empty and nothing in a pocket that can be easily accessed. If you are carrying a handbag, wear it the wrong way with the flap pointing towards your body to avoid pickpockets. And finally, wear sensible shoes.

The worst way to get in is go barging right into the center and getting knocked down by the bar in the middle…or worse still…stuck with limbs of each side getting pulled in either direction. I’m not exaggerating, it is fairly painful, not to mention immensely dangerous if this happens as you run the risk of getting stampeded, fractured or falling off when the train starts moving.

Getting in from the very corner seems to be the easiest way but this is a trick mastered by very experienced travelers since you have to not just where the compartment arrives but the exact spot of its corner. Then you have to ensure you are far away enough to avoid the slappers, hang back to avoid being carried along in the current of people getting off and rush forward just at the right time to be able to get in. Not recommended…you don’t have to be the first to get in. Getting in last isn’t a good idea either since you’ll end up standing on the sideboard, feeling pushed outward everytime someone breathes. The middle is the best option.

f. Staying in: I cannot stress how dangerous (and uncomfortable) it is to hang off or even stand on the footboard. Besides the obvious dangers of falling off, you will also be bombarded by a volley of abuses by people inside the train who are being suffocated and resent that you at least have some breathing air. Then you will also be flattened by the new wave of entrants at every station. You are not likely to get a seat unless you are at the terminus point, at least 10 minutes ahead of departure time and that only on a Sunday or holiday.

The seat running from window to window up against the wall can seat 8 Mumbaikers peaceably (and I still resent overweight people when I travel by train…it may not be their fault, but what the hell, in a space-starved compartment, even a few inches extra, inconvenience everyone else). The other seats facing them can seat 3 and a half each. What’s 3 and a half? Of, that means 3 people crammed in tightly while the fourth jams into the 2-inch space left, sitting sideways with legs in passage. About 6 or 7 people can stand in the space between these two rows of seats. It is a common practice when you get into a compartment where all seats are taken, to check where everyone is getting off and ‘reserve’ the seat from there on by telling them. The seatee will in turn help you get the seat when they get up and stand by you if there is any dispute on the seat. Does that sound funny? Try standing in a sardine-packed train for a 40-minute journey, survive one of the frequent fights that erupt and you’ll be more than willing to bargain for a chance to park your butt for 5 minutes. These rules are taken as the law among train-travellers.

g. Getting off: Prepare at least 2 stations in advance. Of note, some trains have a list of the stations stuck to the inside of the compartment just above the entrance. If not, once again, ASK. If you are sitting, stand up, collect your baggage and start the process of moving out towards the central passage.

Do not try to reach the exit since this is neither fruitful nor good Mumbai manners. People will be getting in and out in the interim stations and besides risking being carried off into the wrong station, it is a severe inconvenience for people trying to get in or out. As you near your station, do check if the people ahead of you are getting off as well or whether they are part of the ‘interim/ at the next station’ crowd. If they are, it is perfectly permissible to yell the station that you are getting off at and try to get some leeway to move forward.

Under no circumstances should you get off a train that is moving, even if at a speed slower than your walk. You may be a superb athlete and/or in great condition. If you want to keep things that way just don’t get off a moving train. For starters, speed is not the only thing. There will be (as is the case everywhere in Mumbai) people around. The crowd trying to get in will not appreciate an overeager traveler jumping off into their arms, the crowd inside will cluck in disapproval thinking of the trouble they’ll have trying to get off over your body since it is assumed that you will only fall flat. As a reverse of the getting in, the middle is the best place to be. That way you aren’t pushed out too early and you won’t get swept back in with the current of the incoming crowd. The key to surviving Mumbai’s crowds is to know the current.

And finally my 7 quick survival tips for Mumbai trains:

1. Practise holding your breath at long intervals. Preferably in hot, smelly conditions. Consider carrying an oxygen cylinder, fitted to your cap.
2. Lose as much weight as possible. You are never too thin for a Mumbai train
3. Do stretching exercises. You can also never be too tall for a Mumbai train. But do learn how to duck the holders on the ceiling. Of note, the ones on the Central and Harbour line trains are set lower than the ones on the Western line. Are Western liners just taller?
4. All loose ends must be tucked in, wrapped, knotted. No flying dupattas, palluvs, stoles, bag-straps.
5. Wear closed shoes. Preferably with thick soles and pointed toes to edge your way in
6. Carry a bag that doesn’t bulge too much, doesn’t open easily, will not separate from its handle/strap on pressure and can fit comfortably under your armpit.
7. Wear chest-pads. Elbow-guards too, with spikes if possible.

Bon voyage!

Commuters between Virar and Borivli are chalking out alternative plans to reach their workplace on Monday as train services in the section is likely to be disrupted owing to a protest by the Democratic Youth Federation of India.

The youth wing of the CPM has called a rail protest on December 10, which is incidentally the Human Rights Day, to protest against the plight of train commuters on the Virar belt. The agitators, including various residential associations, will request commuters not to board trains on the Western Railway section between 6 am to 6 pm.

The agitators are demanding better frequency of trains to Virar, that is, instead of a 15-minute gap, there should be a Virar train every five minutes. [link]

In light of the Human Rights Day, this week is packed with such activities. Its “Chakka Jaam” today and “Batti Bandh” on Dec 15.

More power to the people.

You know what it’s like to bounce out of bed in feigned energy in an attempt to ‘kickstart’ the day and start your yoga to muscles so stiff, they may as well wrap you in plasti-shield and hang you up to display in the butchers’ market?

You know what it’s like to run out of your bath and discover you are 5 minutes late? 5 minutes!! Do you know what 5 minutes look like? I’ll tell you….

5 minutes are the breakfast you would have had in comparative leisure, when you think of the bites of lunch that you will bolt down before a meeting, tea that you will have no time to walk to the vending machine for, the sandwich that the canteen runs out of just before you place your order and dinner that you will nibble at, in what is technically part of tomorrow. 5 minutes.

So last-ditch attempt, you grab a soggy sandwich – your jackpot if you make it to the lottery of a seat on the train.

The autowallah gets to keep the change because you have no time to collect it.

The creep on the bus gets a bonus hard-on squashed up against you since you didn’t have time to wait for a less crowded bus.

And you watch your precious seconds melt away as the senior citizen in the aisle, ambles to the door, patiently sorts through old ticket stubs before handing one over to the TC. And you stop yourself just in time, from thinking the unthinkable.

As you run, you feel your legs start to cramp and remember…that…damn…with your blood pressure, you aren’t supposed to stay hungry OR stressed OR tired. Bully for you, the doctors may as well tell you not to live.

So as you watch the station indicator blink the next train due any minute, telling you that missed yours…and before your eyes, your day collapses like a stack of dominoes even before it has ‘officially’ begun, you wonder…
….why one of those damn bombs didn’t go off in the compartment you were in?
….why you don’t fall off the on-time train and hit your head on the tracks?
….why you don’t get put out of your misery forever?

Do you know what that’s like?

I don’t believe you do. When I read this tomorrow, I will wonder what sort of demented stranger thinks such things. And I’ll be annoyed at the man who steps on my foot in the bus, the girl who barges into the auto that I was actually closer to. I will frown disapprovingly at the evident annoyance in my co-passanger’s face when the old gentleman up ahead climbs down with painfully rheumatic feet. And I will wonder…

Where has all the humanity gone?

Because remembering would mean judgement, remorse, slowing down? Who’s got the time? I’ll probably be running late if I did. Otherwise as well.

The board says,

Invention of Unani formula for HIV/AIDS

HIV positive patients repeatedly recorded negative by DNA-PCS Antigen test. The latest molecular diagnostic testing in HIV/AIDS after the treatment.

26421610 / 93246625

Hakh Medical foundation

I couldn’t read the rest either, craned neck and all. Oh, by the way, I spotted this notice stuck to the ceiling of a local train.